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These Wild Thornberrys Theories Will Ruin Your Childhood Forever

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Tumblr (fyeahthewildthornberrys)

The conspiracy theories surrounding Hey Arnold! are nuts; the conspiracy theories following Rugrats are mortifying. So you can only guess that the ones following yet another Nickelodeon favorite, The Wild Thornberrys, are just as juicy. And, oh, they are — the proof:

1. Most of the Thornberry family’s on drugs. That “spell,” which allows Eliza to talk to animals (or so she thinks), that’s supposedly cast by a “witch” is actually a hit of acid provided by a drug dealer. That’s what this theory suggests, anyway. Eliza’s father, Nigel, is on crack, leading to his always energetic and motivated personality. Debbie, meanwhile, was on coke. She was irritable, eating a lot and never wanted to be bothered.

2. Darwin’s also a fan of the drugs. The same theorist as the aforementioned claims that Eliza’s primate pal is “an escaped circus monkey that likes the drug atmosphere of Eliza and her family and decides to stay with them.”

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Tumblr (wildwiththethornberrys)

3. Marianne is battling a mood disorder. Mitten’s Kittens suggests that the mama of the group suffers from depression. She doesn’t know how to correctly bond with her daughters, not does she do much to correct it due to the constraints of her job. She’s also insanely jealous of any woman who comes close to Nigel, “which makes me worry for her ability to trust. This inability to bond or trust possibly comes from her overly-critical mother who feels the need to make Marianne feel bad about, well, everything.”

Nickelodeon

Nickelodeon

4. Donnie’s mannerisms aren’t as innocent as you thought. He’s not just this adorable little human that acts like an animal; he’s got serious mental issues. From living in the wild all his life, he completely “lost his humanity” and everything about him that makes a person sane.

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Tumblr (Donny-Wild-Thornberrys)

You can reach this post’s author, Kaitlin Cubria, on Twitter and Instagram!

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