10 Things All Night Owls Are Tired of Hearing

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There are two types of people in the world — those who fall asleep at normal human hours and those who stay awake super late for absolutely no reason. The “no reason” part is key, here. If you’re just a shameless procrastinator and are always up cramming before an exam or speed-writing a paper, then you just do you. So, we suppose that that’s the third type of person in the world.

In most regards, life for morning people is cake. They have to wake up at 5:45a to get to class on time? Not an ish; they’ll be up at 5:30, for good measure. They need to be in bed by 9p in order to get a full night’s rest? Don’t count on them even opening your Snapchats after 8:59 because they stick to their body’s schedule. So what if they can barely hang on the weekends when you guys are out way past their bedtime. Apart from that teensy inconvenience, it’s all walking on sunshine all the time for them. Not so for night owls.

For some reason — let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that the Universe hates us — no one is down to conform to our sleep patterns. So we just have to grin, bear it, and try our best not to rage cry when we hear any of these things:

1. “You have to be up early tomorrow.” To be fair, the first time that we heard this was one time too many.

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2. “It’s getting late; I’m sleepy.” “What?! But the party’s just getting started! Don’t leave me up aloneeeee.”

3. “How do you have so many friends across the globe?” They’re the only ones who are ever awake at a similar time, that’s how.

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4. “Midnight snacking isn’t healthy.” Too bad, so sad. What else is there to do in the middle of the night for a person who isn’t tired?

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5. Other people’s snores. It sucks being the last person to go to sleep when you’ve got to try to drown out snores of everyone within a 15-foot radius.

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6. “What time did you get to bed last night?” It doesn’t matter what number you say, the person asking will always seem a little appalled at your response.

7. Demon birds chirping when you’re finally getting to sleep. There’s got to be a way that you and Mother Nature can agree on a common schedule.

8. “The early bird gets the worm!” Listen here, Ned Flanders, maybe there are enough worms to go around for those of us who are up late and, therefore, like to sleep in occasionally.

9. “Go to sleep!” “Wonderful, now that you’ve commanded my brain to enter REM, all I have to do is — oh wait, nope, that doesn’t work.”

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10. “Try going to bed a little earlier each night.” Ugh, just leave us here in the dead of the night, half-tired and half-wired.

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