The Vampire Diaries Recap: Who Won Ep. 13, “Daddy Issues”: Team Damon or Team Stefan?

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Love triangles, torture, gang fighting, and two (two!) bath scenes. Last night’s episode of The Vampire Diaries truly had something for everyone. But while we’re really loving Caroline’s (Candice Accola) transition from girly girl to tough chick and Tyler’s (Michael Trevino) identity crisis, let’s face it: we all really want to talk about who came out on top during episode 13, “Daddy Issues,” TEAM STEFAN or TEAM DAMON?

Let’s get on to our recap then, shall we?

Damon. Shower. This episode (and TEAM DAMON) is off to a smashing start. +50
Damon, to Stefan upon hearing he brought back Elena’s Uncle/Daddy John: “You brought back John Gilbert? That was your big save-Elena move?” Hilar. +5
Which was followed by the equally funny: “You better watch your back. Because I may just have to go get a hero haircut of my own and steal your thunder.” +5
And +10 for Stefan, because he really does have awesome hair.

Caroline pleads with Stefan to reason with Tyler who just found out that vampires killed his Uncle Mason, saying that Stefan always knows the right thing to say. We’ll give her that. +5

GALLERY: Check out more photos from last night’s episode!

Damon arrives at Elena’s, looking for John, followed by this exchange:
Elena: He just blew in, announced to Jenna that he’s my dad and then took off.
Damon: That’s public knowledge now?
Elena: Apparently.
and later…
Elena: What are we gonna do?
Damon: Kill him.
Elena: Damon…
Damon: I’m joking!
Elena: ::judgy look::
Damon: OK, I’m a little serious. ::Smolder number 1 of the night::
+5, because Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev really have great chemistry together.

Stefan pops into Tyler’s house and spooks him with his vampy eyes. +10, because we like when Stefan gets all intimidating vampire every now and then.

Elena and Damon team up and find John at The Grill.
Elena: We just need answers. Please don’t do anything stupid.
Damon: Yeah, but stupid’s so much more fun!
+10 because Damon really gets all the best lines!

RECAP: Who won last week’s episode, TEAM DAMON or TEAM STEFAN?

Back at the Lockwood mansion, Stefan tells Tyler to “stop being a dick to her.” -3 because the word “dick” doesn’t sound right coming out of Stefan’s mouth.

Then back at the Grill, Damon tells John that Vervain is an “acquired taste” (+2) and whispers in his ear that he will kim him in his sleep. Add +3, because only Damon can make death threats sound sexy.

Stefan makes one last effort to convince Tyler that vampires and werewolves can coexist in Mystic Falls: “I came back to this town, because I wanted a life. I wanted to exist where I can have friends and start a family. I have that here. We can both have that.” Aw. +10

Damon’s still at The Grill, then rejects a girl that hits on him at the bar, followed by a series of awkward glances between Damon and Elena. +5 for blowing the anchor lady off, and another +5 because Elena was so jealous.

After finding out that Jules took Caroline hostage, Damon explains to Elena the simple truth about vampires and werewolves: “He’s a wereswolf. He needs to die. I’m willing to kill. It’s a win-win.” Only +1, because we have a soft spot for Tyler.

And now on to the awesome part—the werewolf/vampire showdown! Here’s our play-by-play:
Stefan uses a werewolf’s blowtorch against the other bad guys! +5
Damon rips out a heart. +20
Stefan catches a stake with one hand! +10
Then he catches another stake and throws it back at the werewolf, who wasn’t as skilled at stake catching. +15
But then oops, Stefan gets staked from behind. -5
Damon is about to get tackled but then does this awesome WWE-style reversal move. +10
But then oops, he takes a bullet from Jules. -5

After the warlock comes and saves the day, Stefan takes Caroline home and gives her concerned faces that almost look like flirting to us. -2
But then he manages to be back at Elena’s in time to give her a consoling hug right when she needs it. Best boyfriend ever? +30 because we wish we had our own Stefan that can hug on cue.
And also coordinates slumber parties with our friends. +10
And softly mouths the words “I love you.” +50

If the episode opener with Damon in the shower wasn’t hot enough, we get treated to yet another bathroom scene, this time with Damon taking a bubble bath with the anchor lady. What did we do to deserve this second helping? +100
He then admits to anchor lady that he’s in love with Elena. Heartbreaking for us (+10) but totes awkward for his bath buddy.
Finally Damon gets all vampy on anchor lady, compels her to hear his problems then takes a bite out of her. Only -5 this time because we don’t think he killed her.

Final tally:

It was a close battle, but in the end even though Stefan proves he can kick butt and still be an attentive boyfriend, we were won over by Damon’s two shirtless scenes. Can you blame us?

What do you think of our recap, do you agree? Tell us in the comments, and feel free to add or subtract points of your own!