25 Surefire Signs You’re Really Not a People Person
If you can’t stand the thought of talking to others, these surefire signs probably describe you:
1. Public transportation is your worst nightmare. Why do others insist on grabbing on the same pole as you on the train?
2. When you manage to get a seat on the bus, you put your bag on the seat next to you. Think Gretchen in Mean Girls only, instead of ‘us,’ it’s all you.
3. You take your personal space quite seriously. Everyone, step back a minimum of two feet.
4. Listening to others gab on their phone in public is torture. Talk to them when you get home, darnit.
5. The worst experience ever: elevator small talk. What can you possibly talk about for 10 to 45 seconds?
6. In your mind, whoever invented self checkout deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU…
7. Ordering food online happens on a daily basis. If there aren’t any options to do so, you pick a whole new restaurant; there’s no way you’re talking to someone over the phone.
8. No weekend plans? No problem. You’ve got plenty to work on.
9. When people cancel plans, even better. Phew, you were just about to text and say you’re sick. Now you don’t have to be the bad guy.
10. Rainy days are the perfect excuse. “Sorry, can’t leave the house. It’s dangerous.”
11. When your plans DO work out and your friend brings someone else along…
12. You physically hate when people sneeze multiple times in a row. It doesn’t matter if they can’t help it, there are only so many times you can say “Bless you” before you get pissed off.
13. Your Facebook feed’s like a never-ending list of people you don’t care about. “If I see one more selfie…”
14. You wear headphones even if there’s no music playing. At least you can pretend you can’t hear what’s going on around you.
15. Texting > calling. Get off the phone!
16. Either you’ve never set up your voicemail or your inbox is completely full. To reiterate, it’s easier for all parties if you just text.
17. Weather doesn’t matter, you’re wearing sunglasses NMW. No eye contact, por favor.
18. Ah, crud — your neighbor arrived home the same time as you. Back. Away. Slowly.
19. Same goes for if you see someone in the halls you have no interest in speaking to, like, at all. It happens all the time at the mall, too.
20. Learning you have a group project can ruin your day. It can’t get much worse.
21. “What? I have to network?!” UGH.
22. Any jobs that require human interaction can NOT be a part of your future. Can’t there be a job search for homebodies?
23. HOW you’re still invited to parties, you’ll never know. You never look like you’re having a good time, you’re sure of it.
24. The greatest pastime includes a furry friend. Playing with a cat can take literal chunks of time.
25. The words that send chills up your spine: “I’ll go with you.”