10 Surefire Signs That One Direction is Officially No Longer Cool
We all knew this day would come: the day we all acknowledge that One Direction is officially lame. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our boys — Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson will forever hold special places in our hearts. But, let’s face it, the band doesn’t even exist anymore. “Going on hiatus” is just a gentler way of saying, “IT’S OVER.” TBH, we have a strong feeling that the guys knew the 1D brand was, quite simply, no longer cool. It might’ve even become embarrassing. Although the foursome’s post-Zayn Malik music was awesome — eff yeah, “Drag Me Down!” — it didn’t really fit the boy-band mold, and nobody really knew what to make of it all. So now it’s time to take a deep breath and come to terms with the top 10 reasons why 1D’s coolness factor is definitely dead:
1. Niall is using public transportation. In April 2016, fans spotted the beloved blondie riding the tube, London’s subway system. In One Direction’s heydey, would any of the boys ever be able to ride the subway?! Definitely not. But now they’ve become so obscure that Niall can go tubin’ as he pleases.
2. Zayn is trending on Twitter (and everywhere else) more than any other 1D member. Zayn quit the band more than a year ago and, at the time, we all thought he made a terrible mistake. But 2016 has proven that Zayn on his own is infinitely cooler than One Direction will ever be again. His climb to the top is just beginning, and he’s left 1D far behind him.
3. Liam is hooking up with a married woman, and everyone hates it. Back in the day, we all loved shipping Liam’s romances. Some fans are still #TeamPayzer; most, it seems, are more supportive of recent ex Sophia Smith. But now Liam’s with Cheryl Fernandez-Vernini and it’s all just kind of gross and bizarre. Nobody’s into it.
4. Directioners are self-releasing a “Made in the AM” track because there’ll obviously never be any more singles. Devoted fans are planning to self-release “Home,” a favorite on 1D’s final album. Although there have been fan-created Twitter releases before, this one is clearly only happening because everybody knows there are no more singles to come. Sad.
5. It’s just too weird that Louis is a father. Sorry, but it’s true — Louis’ baby Instagrams are adorable, and we love them, but come on. He’s a DAD now. Being a dad just eliminates a guy’s ability to be in a boy band. It’s just strange.
6. There was a leaked Liam track, and literally nobody cared. Not to give Liam a bad rap, but he’s probably been the most unpopular 1D member since the band announced its hiatus. His relationships are weird, his tweets are obnoxious and very few fans seem to like the idea of him going solo. That’s why it was no surprise that when a solo Liam track hit the Internet, it got no traction at all. Did anybody listen to it? Probably not. Liam, your time’s up.
7. Harry’s so over performing that he’s moving on to movies. Don’t get us wrong, we’re psyched that Harry is taking on Hollywood! He’s always shown real potential as a serious actor. But his move to the big screen only goes to show that for him, 1D is definitely an uncool thing of the past. He wants adults to respect him, and that’s not going to come from his boy-band background.
8. The boys are barely friends anymore. How can a band be cool if its members hate each other? Although some of the friendships are still strong, it’s obvious that others have frayed. When Zayn first left the band, everybody swore that the guys would always be brothers 4 lyfe. But between the Twitter fights and tabloid betrayals, it’s just all been a big, pathetic mess.
9. 1D’s fans have moved right along to The Vamps. It’s the boy band cycle that never quits. They all, in time, get replaced by newer, younger, cooler guys. For 1D, those guys also hailed from the United Kingdom, which made the burn sting even more. Sorry, boys.
10. Harry’s once-beautiful locks look like greasy overcooked pasta. This one is the most devastating of all. If you’re still crushing on Harry, you’re blinded by treasured memories. Harry’s hair was once his crowning glory. But as One Direction fell from grace, so too did his curls. Harry, we’d beg you to PLEASE go for a good wash and cut, but we know you’d ignore us. AND THAT HURTS.
Farewell and good luck, boys. Sorry — men.