Lily Collins Details the Shame She Felt from Emotionally Abusive Relationship

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With a Golden Globe nomination, a new movie and a debut novel under her belt, 2017 is shaping up to be the year of Lily Collins. The 27-year-old star of The Mortal Instruments is already an accomplished actress, appearing alongside Sandra Bullock in her first film (The Blind Side) and Warren Beatty in one of her most recent (Rules Don’t Apply), and she can now add author to her resume, courtesy of her first published memoir, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me, which was released today:

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But, as we know, not everything’s all sunshine and rainbows for the brunette beauty. Earlier this year, while promoting her new film, To the Bone, in which her character battles severe anorexia, Lily admitted to suffering through multiple eating disorders herself when she was a teenager. Prior to that, she spoke briefly about her history with “extremely difficult” relationships — and, we guess, one was more difficult than the rest, ’cause now LC’s coming clean about the absolute worst one.

When Us Weekly asked about any stories she was hesitant to include in her novel, she distinctly pointed out, “Being in an emotionally abusive relationship. I never regretted it, but I felt ashamed. I thought, ‘How could I put myself in that position?’ I came to a deeper understanding as I was writing. It’s taking the shame out of those things that makes you stronger.”

“I definitely wasn’t planning on being as open about my past with eating disorders either,” she explained. “I wrote that chapter a week before I got the script for To the Bone. That experience really helped me go more in depth with it in the book. I came to a real acceptance of myself. Writing this was definitely the most difficult thing I’ve done to date, but at the end, it was the most gratifying.”

But, she did learn from the experiences. “It’s not a selfish thing to say, ‘This relationship isn’t healthy for me,'” she reasoned. “It’s knowing yourself so well that you can take yourself out of that situation. You can still help and love the person, but you’re putting yourself paramount. I listen to my gut and I’m not afraid to say things that someone may not like.”

“And with an eating disorder, you get used to having that title,” she added, “being the girl with a problem. It defines you. But when you step outside, you realize how much stronger you are and how titles don’t define you. That’s a really powerful thing to learn. I am enough as myself.”

For more details, pick up a copy of Lily’s Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me.
Emotional or physical, abusive relationships are never okay. Thankfully, like Lily, these seven female celebrities bravely spoke about their troubled pasts with torturous relationships so their fans know they’re not alone: