An Ode to Our Favorite Birthday Girl, Kim Kardashian

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If you’ve got this little thing called a pulse a computer, you probs know that today is Kim Kardashian‘s birthday. And even though we bet her girls’ night out in Vegas won’t top her extravagant wedding, we bet Kimmy K’s bday is going to be fantastic. How do we know? We wrote her this birthday poem, which is obvs going to be the best bday present she’ll get all year. Ya know. Next to those Manolo’s and Chanel bags and $2 million pieces of jewelry. Whatevs.

Happy Birthday Kim! Now, an ode to you!

Today’s Kim Kardashian’s big three-one
And, like the rest of her life, it’ll be lots of fun.
She’s heading to Vegas to celebrate with her girls
Let’s hope she doesn’t drink too much and wanna hurl.

But anyway, let’s start from the beginning, ok?
When Kim was barely famous. Ya know, back in the day.
It all started with a tape that was sorta bad ass
And speaking of ass…well, we’ll get back to that.

But soon after, her and her sisters’ fame grew a lot
They got their own show and Kourtney hooked up with Scott
Then came more shows, some books and a fashion line
Yeah, at this point they were doing just fine.

But now, Kim’s like, the most famous reality star ever
And she’s even found herself a hubby, Kris Humphries, who she’ll be with forever.
We’re so happy for ya, Kim, for all of your success
Even if, ya know, it all started with sex.

So have a great bday! We can’t wait to see the paparazzi pics
And have fun celebrating with Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall, Kylie — the Kardashian six.
Maybe we’ll stop by the Dash store this weekend, just for fun
And hopefully run into Kourt’s adorable son.
But if not, just know Teen.com loves you a lot!
And PS, with or without that bootay, you’re hot.

So, Kimmy fans, what’d you think of our poem? What’s your wish for Kim K? Leave it all below!