Gossip Girl Recap: Our 5 Predictions Thanks to Last Night’s Ep!

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The CW

Nothing like a nice little holiday to bring everyone together. Last night on Gossip Girl‘s fifth episode, “The Fasting and the Furious,” tensions were beyond high. And that secret that was revealed kept us with our mouths wide open!

Missed it? Catch up with our recap right now, and snag a few predictions while you’re at it!

1. Charlie steals the files Bart Bass got from his P.I. back in, like, Season 2, and something really unexpected happens. So yea, Charlie went through with snatching up some secrets from the VDW’s for Ms. Payne, but we never thought that Diana would come across a picture of herself in Bart’s file. Lucky enough for everyone else in the VDW home, that’s the only thing Diana cared about. She steals her pic and burns it. What secret do we think she’s trying to hide…?

Our prediction: Diana Payne is Chuck’s mother! We’re so serious. And we think the reason she’s back on the UES is to make sure that secret is never revealed. Why? Uh, we’re not too sure. Hang on until next week… or maybe the week after, when we’ve got more on this.

2. Blair and Prince Louis share their baby news with their families and everyone actually seems really happy about it. Or so we think. While Princess Sophie seems happy about her future grandchild, she still manages to place all these rules in front of B about how the child is to be born and raised. And of course, lovely sis Beatrice could not be happier about Sophie’s change of heart. Sophie drafts up a contract stating that Blair must do as she says or deal with the consequences of having her baby taken away. Although in the end B agrees to move to Monaco, we’re thinking something will change these plans.

Our prediction: B will come to her senses and see that being with Louis isn’t truly a fairy tale after all. She’ll then finally reveal who the REAL father of her baby is, but probably after Louis figures it out first. After all, this is Gossip Girl.

3. Beatrice’s plan to have Louis (and Blair) stripped of any royal rights is slowly coming together. Beatrice starts to tell Diana all about her jealousy towards her brother. She manages to get Diana on her side after making a deal to let Diana run the story about rivalry between her and her bro in The NY Spectator. So just what will Diana do to help Beatrice take Louis down?

Our prediction: We’re not sure just exactly how powerful Diana Payne is… yet! But we do know that she almost always manages to get her way. We’re thinking Diana will dig up enough dirt on Blair to get Sophie to disown Louis if he stays with B.

4. The Prince finds Blair’s DNA test results! We’re dying to know what’s really in that envelope, and we’re pretty sure that it doesn’t say Louis is the father of Blair’s baby. But why didn’t Louis just break up with B right then and there?! We’re baffled! Instead, he gets on his cell phone to call in a favor.

Our prediction: Prince Louis is an even bigger loser than we thought and he’s planning to get the DNA results changed to have his name on it. Why? Guess he’s got some sort of major obsession with B or he just doesn’t like to be told “I told you so” by his darling mommy.

5. Dan is the love of Serena’s life? Really?! Oh S, we all know you always kinda land yourself on the slutty scale, so it was a total shock to hear you say that Dan is the love of your life. Funny enough, after she says this, Dan winds up giving S’ boss the film rights to his book. Hmm… coincidence? We think not!

Our prediction: Serena knew that making Dan feel bad about their past would make him give the movie rights to Jane. Now, if S wasn’t lying about her feelings, then we just might see her pursuing Dan all over again. Will she manage to get him back is another story.