Despite being on the New York social scene for years, I don’t consider myself particularly fashionable. Still, twice a year I haul my slightly-last-seasonish self to the tents at Lincoln Center to take part in the greatest thing to happen to New York since flat bagels—Fashion Week!
But while I spend seven straight days giving air kisses and staring at couture, I inevitably encounter four very distinct (and annoying) types of people that you will only find at #NYFW. Brace yourselves for…1. Foreign Models With Bad Teeth
Everyone thinks being a runway model is just soooo glam, but the sad truth is, they make so little money they have to take the subway home after a show! Yes, they are very tall and very
leggy, but pretty? Eh. Not so much. Usually their complexion is sallow from so much travel and late nights, and oh, the teeth! I know dental care probably isn’t top notch in whatever Eastern bloc they’re from, but c’mon, can’t Crest White Strips be imported?
2. Too-Cool Fashion Editors
Being excited over Fashion Week is, like, tres
lame. Instead, the tents are filled with oh-so-over-it fashion writers who pretend that they’re totes oves
this whole situation as they dash from show to show, furiously scribbling notes and Tweeting pics. But of course, they’re completely lying. Sure, Fashion Week is tiring but it’s also a ton of fun, full of parties, swag bags and HELLO, male models! If these magazine-istas don’t like this part of their jobs, I’m sure there’s an opening at Quiznos.
3. Insanely Fashionable Gays
“This is like their Super Bowl,” whispered my date at the Richie Rich runway show as we looked around at the throngs of gays with bring pink hair, sequined hot pants and those Gaga-style hoof shoes. They make Kurt Hummel look like Mitt Romney. One guy (I think it was a guy) was literally
wearing a garbage bag. At first I thought he was a homeless person who had wandered in, but no, he triumphantly adjusted his Dolly Parton wig and preened and posed for pictures. If you ever want to feel like your wardrobe is mind-numbingly dull, by all means, come join me at Fashion Week.
4. People Who Look Like Celebrities…But Aren’t
Fashion Week is one big chorus of “Wait isn’t that…no, nevermind.” Everyone looks like they’re somebody
, but they rarely are. It’s one of the few places you can get photographed for no real reason, since photographers have no clue who anyone is either. One year, a paparazzo paired me up with Olivia Palmero
for a few snaps, and the socialite hissed, “Um, sorry, who
are you?” Irritated (because she correctly pegged me as absolutely nobody) I just rolled my eyes and said “Pfft, honey if you have to ask, you’re clearly not in my circle.”
Have you even been to NYFW? Ever run into one of these people? Which designer would you kill to see at the tents? Tell me in the comments!