The CLOG - A Clevver Blog

In an era where people are losing their homes and police are having to break up tent cities of homeless, it’s perhaps the height of stupidity, hubris, or both to suggest that you can’t make ends meet on the preposterously low support payments Britney Spears pays out–a MEASLY FORTY GRAND A MONTH.

Yes, you read that correctly, four, then four zeroes, a MONTH.  Expanded out that’s four hundred and eighty thousand dollars a year.  K-Fed can’t hack it on half a million bucks a YEAR.  But then, when you take a look at his budget details, you start to wonder.  Check this out:

K-Fed spends $7,500 a month on rent, $2,000 a month on food, $1,500 a month on utilities, $800 a month on booze, $2,800 a month on a nanny for their two boys, and $3,000 a month on bodyguards.

Interestingly, that totals just under eighteen thousand a month, making me wonder where the remaining twenty two grand a month goes.  Hmmm…dig the word:

“Kevin has blown through millions of dollars,” revealed a source. “When he and Britney divorced, Kevin continued the superstar lifestyle, and he spends all the money that he gets.”

Time to rein it in, Kevin–the gravy train just derailed.

So you remember how Brad Pitt was drunk-calling former flame Jennifer Aniston and trying to get back together with her, possibly to escape the third-world country that Angelina Jolie’s made out of their home by importing children from many lands?  Well, she’s not taking it lightly–dig the word:

“…according to a source who spoke to Now, she told Pitt “he’d humiliated her for the last time and that if he wanted to go back to his boring shallow life with Jen, that was fine by her.”

WoooOOOOOO!

Is Billy Bob Thornton opening a vein over a cut-crystal bottle, licking his chops to get back with Angelina?  Will Brad Pitt leave Toddlerland once and for all and drink his tequila out of Jennifer Aniston’s navel from now on?  Stay tuned!

Holy CRAP, man…just when I start thinking that maybe things can go back to normal between me and Lindsay Lohan and I can start mocking her again, she goes and does something truly pathetic again to make me sad I even thought about it.  Seriously, folks, dig this.

Couple days ago, LAPD got a phone call that someone tripped the alarm in La Lohan’s house.  She wasn’t home at the time, apparently, and thus police went to investigate.  They found the place ransacked from top to bottom.  Worse, there were pry marks on the back door, and some kind of nonspecific “tampering” with the back window”.

Oh, but that’s not the half of it–seems that La Lohan’s neighbors suggest that it was that ever-present bugaboo’s fault, the paparazzi.  Photographers are CONSTANTLY outside the house, say neighbors, and they punched holes in the shrubbery and cut the wires on closed-circuit cameras before attempting their break-in.

I suppose it’s possible, but once again, I’m thoroughly sick of everybody blaming the media for everything, even break-in attempts.  Though if it WERE their fault, I’d be just as upset at them for dragging our name once again through the mud.

Sure, we’ve got Star Trek and Wolverine and Terminator and Harry Potter to keep us occupied this summer, but then there’s one little movie that actually isn’t a sequel or reboot or spin-off: Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and the beautiful Marion Cotillard.  (Actually, they’re all pretty beautiful.)

We already featured one Depp-only poster, but here’s a new set featuring all three.  The film, directed by Collateral’s Michael Mann and starring Depp as infamous gangster John Dillinger, comes out this July 4th weekend.

Hey, tweens who are skimming this article before jumping to the Robert Pattinson article below: I know you don’t know who Frank Sinatra is, but you need to trust me: this is a pretty big deal.

Martin Scorsese — who you might remember directed The Departed, the best movie of 2006 — will direct Sinatra, a big-budget biopic about singer and actor Frank Sinatra.

Think Ray and Walk the Line, only, thanks to Scorsese’s involvement, much bigger than either.  Universal Pictures will make the film, which is being written by Field of Dreams‘ Phil Alden Robinson.

No word yet on casting, but as MTV notes, Scorsese has got to be seriously considering Leonardo DiCaprio.  His last four big screen movies — including the upcoming period crime drama Shutter Island — have all starred DiCaprio.

Robert Pattinson has signed onto his first high-profile movie since joining the Twilight saga franchise and becoming a mega-superstar.

In Unbound Captives, he will star as Rachel Weisz’s son in the 1859 American frontier.  After his father is murdered, he gets kidnapped, and a frontiersman (Hugh Jackman) comes to Weisz’s aid to help stage a rescue.

In other words, it sounds like it could be a really well-done adventure flick starring three extremely attractive people.

The screenplay is a pet project of actress Madeline Stowe (12 Monkeys), who wrote it and will direct.  In order to retain creative control, she reportedly turned down a five million dollar offer that would’ve had Ridley Scott directing and Russell Crowe starring.

Al Pacino’s in talks to star in an indie adaptation of the nonfiction bestseller Blink.

He’ll play a father who reunites with his twentysomething son and discovers the son has the (apparently non-supernatural) ability to size people and situations up immediately.  Naturally, the father tries to use his talents in the stock market, or something.  The plot’s a little fuzzy, but hey, it sounds better than 88 Minutes.

Stephen Gaghan (Traffic) wrote the screenplay, and according to Reuters the production is seeking “younger actors, some with tween appeal” to star as the son.  Al Pacino and Adam Brody?  Al Pacino and Zac Efron?  It could happen.  Al Pacino and Joe Jonas?  I hope not.

Somehow, Paramount finally did it: they made Star Trek cool.

Prior to its opening last Thursday, the cut-off point that was being whispered around Hollywood was $50 million.  If Star Trek made less than that in its opening weekend, it would fail to pull in anyone except hard-core Trekkies.  If it made more, it was in the clear.

The official opening weekend numbers? $79.2 million.  Mission accomplished.

Since then, J.J. Abrams flick has held up well and is currently about to hit the $100 million mark — less than a week after its release.  It’s also made instant stars of Chris Pine, who plays Kirk, and Zachary Quinto, who plays Spock.  The two — along with Leonard Nimoy — popped up on SNL last week, while Nimoy and Quinto also showed up on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

It’s like we’ve suddenly entered an alternate universe where “Live long and prosper” is no longer what someone says right before you steal their lunch money.

Remember when I was talking about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart hooking up?  Well…um…it’s actually been confirmed that that is most certainly not the case.  One, it seems that Summit Entertainment actually has a STANDING POLICY in place that prevents the two from dating for legal reasons.

It would be an actual no-kidding VIOLATION OF THEIR CONTRACT to do so.   Of course, it remains to be seen whether or not they’d actually enforce that clause, considering the publicity avalanche it’d cause, but it’s there.

Two, Star Magazine has officially confirmed that Rob Pattinson is actually dating a stripper named Kendra.

Star further states that Pattinson has been regularly visiting a Vancouver strip club by the name of Brandi’s Exotic Nightclub to see Kendra, who has been described as looking a lot like Bo Derek did in the movie 10.

I know this is going to hit a LOT of people hard, but that is the current word, and unless Star Magazine wants to get sued into oblivion by libel suits, there has to be at least some truth to it.  Covering the celebrity gossip beat for as long as I have has taught me plenty about not believing everything you hear, but when magazines report it, there’s got to be at least SOME truth involved.  So sorry, Rob fans–he’s apparently, like the song says, in love with a stripper.

Would it surprise you to hear that the script for New Moon was recently found in a trash can in St. Louis?  Yeah, it got my eyebrows up too!

Apparently, a beauty salon owner down in St. Louis was waiting for her fiance to get off work when she noticed some unusual items in a trash bin.  Upon closer examination, the items in question turned out to be Summit Entertainment scripts–one for upcoming George Clooney title Up in the Air and one for none other than New Moon.

The salon owner took the scripts back to Summit, instead of selling them to the highest bidder or leaking details like no tomorrow.  How was she rewarded for her supreme act of good faith? Summit, in its truly puling and weak gratitude, invited her to the premiere of New Moon.  Yeah.  That’s it.  She could’ve sunk an entire production and walked away with a fortune, but Summit, proving that no good deed goes unpunished, rewarded the salon owner’s honesty by GIVING HER A MOVIE TICKET.

Weak sauce, Summit.  Weak. SAUCE.  If there is any justice, Twilight fans will stay home in droves and wait for New Moon to hit video, thus neutering the production’s earnings.

No, you’re not seeing things, folks–that one caught me just as much by surprise as it no doubt caught you.  It’s true, it’s true…at least that’s the word.  Word is that the same guy that caught Brad crying on Courtney Cox’s shoulder about how much he wanted Jennifer Aniston back also says that Brad’s going to rehab.  Dig the further word:

Pitt has enrolled in an alcohol/cleansing program with a top Beverly Hills spiritual/rehab counselor.

Perhaps the best part is the why of it all–apparently, Pitt’s not just going to keep his liver from shutting down from the booze he’s pouring on it regularly, he’s also going to get away from baby magnate / clan leader Angelina Jolie.  That same word suggest that Pitt might well have DIED had he not sought counseling.

Talk about your out of nowhere stuff, folks!  If all this word is true, then best wishes to Pitt in rehab.  In all honesty, Angelina Jolie scares me green too.

It may have come to just as much of a surprise to you as it did to me, folks, but word is that Paris Hilton recently lost her dog.  This is a minor celebrity gossip story on its own, but check out her reaction:

“It was so scary - she was gone for a week and I wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back. It was like losing a child. She was a couple of blocks away at an old lady’s house. The lady didn’t watch TV so she didn’t know my dog was missing. Then she saw the sign and I got her back.”

Clearly Paris hasn’t seen Billy Madison.  Adam Sandler had plenty of choice phraseology for dog losers like Hilton.

Despite the assertion posed by Perez Hilton that Chris Brown “must be responsible” for the recent release of nude photos of singer Rihanna, it’s not too hard to believe that Brown’s pack of lawyers is responding with a lot of legalese and extremely unfriendly language in Hilton’s direction.

The laptop geisha got both barrels from Brown’s legal team, who called Hilton’s statement “false and defamatory” (which is, if I remember correctly, legally actionable if they want to take a run at it), and went on to further declare that “Chris has not released or ‘leaked’ any photos of Rihanna (or anyone else for that matter).”

Of course, if not Brown, then who?  After all, who else would’ve had access to a naked Rihanna?

…maybe someone should give Jay-Z a call….

Ooooh, now here’s a nifty bit, folks–seems that James Frey, publicly outed on the Oprah Winfrey show when it was discovered that his autobiography was in large part fictional, may know more than he’s letting on about Oprah herself.

He’s edited his recent ACTUAL fiction novel, Bright Shiny Morning, to include a sex story and what is described as a “thinly veiled stab at Oprah”, involving someone who gets “caught up in a highly publicized controversy”, (like himself!) not to mention on “a television show that he knows is going to end badly for him”. (see also: like himself) Sounds pretty self-referential, until the NEXT part, where said someone “starts taping his phone conversations, including one with the talk show host”. In this conversation, she “reveals some startling information about herself”.

Now, all this could be so much crockery designed to hawk a novel. But by like token, if it’s true, man…this would be a thing of purest beauty. Who knows what dark secrets are locked away in Oprah’s closet? For crying out loud, I personally think she’s starting her own cult–she’s got thousands of fanatical followers worldwide. Who knows what Frey’s got on her?

Maybe nothing, maybe something. Stay tuned!

You’re not the only one, folks–when Anderson Cooper watches him some American Idol, he also fast forwards through Paula Abdul’s comments. Why? Dig the word:

“Just [through] Paula, actually I don’t know what she’s saying half the time.”

Neither do we, Anderson, but at least now we know the problem isn’t on our end. I love it when my opinions of people are vindicated. It’s good to know that the whole “I don’t get Paula Abdul” thing wasn’t just my own lack of understanding–there were plenty of other people who were lost. That always helps my outlook on life. Not to crack really hard on a woman who spent a whole lot of time doped out of her mind on painkillers, but seriously–it was NUTS. If she was having that kind of problem, she probably should’ve gone to rehab LONG before this point, no?

But at least it all came out in the end, huh?