The CLOG - A Clevver Blog

Seriously, you’ve got to love Paris Hilton.  Despite what everyone thinks about her, she’s no moron.  No, not at all–in fact, she’s SO smart that she can form deep and extensive opinions about television shows she’s never even SEEN.  Whereas the rest of us mere mortals have to be content with saying things like “That show just looks stupid” or “It’s not the kind of thing I can get into”, Paris can wax positively critical about a show she’s never seen.  Dig the word:

“They make up relationships when they’re not there, and he [Doug] just thinks it’s lame,” said Paris. “I’ve never seen the show in my life. I have no idea what it’s about.”

So…you’ve never seen it, you have no idea what it’s about, and you know they make up relationships that aren’t there?  Where DO you get your information, Paris?

Naturally, the cast of The Hills wasn’t taking it lying down!  Lauren Conrad launched a salvo of fury, declaring that “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion”.  Spencer Pratt was ablaze with rage, and forcefully stated “Its really hard because I’ve always liked Paris. She’s always been really awesome whenever I’ve hung out with her. I’ve actually been quoted a billion times saying that they’re [Paris and Doug] are my favorite celebrity couple. They’re so nice so it’s a low blow.”

Um…maybe they DID take it lying down.  Oh, wait!  Holly!  Holly will show some spine in the face of this!  What did she say?  Oh…wow.  She says that Paris is “just jealous” of the show’s “success”.

Wow, guys…way to stand up for your jobs.  Paris just owned you like her shoes.

Is it me or does the Wolve look a little too “Golden Compass” Cartoonish CGI? When Laurent Sees the wolves he almost wets his pants as he quickly runs away from the meadow. I don’t think the Jacob wolve would give that reaction. Hopefully this is just the first look and the CGI gets better once the actually finish production.

If you were at the recent amFAR charity auction in Cannes, you could’ve bought a charity kiss from the star for the low, low price of twenty eight thousand dollars.  No, seriously.

And here’s the really nifty part.  Apparently, Rob’s been taking this whole Lautner thing seriously, because recent photos of him have him looking easily as buff as the werewolves.  Visible six pack, kids.  From scrawny, pasty bloodsucker to chiseled in a matter of weeks–this is no small task, and one that bears mentioning.

So again, I’m left to give kudos to Rob for taking things into his own hands and getting stuff accomplished!  Careful, Rob–this is the second free pass you’ve gotten from me in as many months.  You keep making a habit of this and I might have to start, you know, RESPECTING you.

Fellas, we’ve all been there.  We’ve all been interested in that certain lady that makes our hearts–among other things–do that oh-so-rare pitter-pat, and then have her turn around and tell us that she thinks we’re the best of friends.

Well, count Madonna in on the list of people who’ve been there too, as her twenty-two year old boyfriend, Jesus Luz, told the show “Fantastico” that Madonna is his “friend, only my friend”.  He then followed up with:

“Madonna is a person who I admire very much, a friend who has entered my life and [with whom] I keep in contact. I cannot say anything more than I don’t have plans of marrying her. I can’t say if she is the woman in my life.”

Good bye, Jesus…we hardly knew ye.  And we won’t either, after Madge’s people sink you face down into a peat bog in Jersey.

Seriously–baffled is almost not strong enough.  I can barely decipher her tweets into English any more.  Seems like every time that girl hits Twitter part of my headmeat dies just a little.  Dig the word:

“made pme lov3ly blackberry tea and my firat dress from scratch with hel from my pleat guy, wonderful french bucol chiffons idid the dyeing.”

What’s with the three?  Did you just lapse into leetspeak for a minute there?  Or are you just the lousiest typist ever?  Sure, most of those could just be “wiigii” errors (small transpositions of keys, turning words like woohoo into wiigii) but there’s so many.  Courtney…do you need a proofreader?  My rates are reasonable–call me!

She then followed up with something a lot less spelling wrong and much more conceptually wrong:

“It’s weird cos marc jacobs were texting re the fallout and cleaing our lives of negative psychic vampires so its really at a good time, bye.”

…do I even want to know what “psychic vampires” are?

Thank you, Twitter, for a crystal-clear window into celebrity insanity at its finest.

Totally.

So Chris Brown, coherent as ever as he goes into his upcoming trial had a few words to say on his own behalf, in a recently released online video.

He wants to assure us all that, one, the new album will be coming out soon (too bad no one will buy it), two, that he will “drop a single this summer for y’all” (too bad no radio station will play it–seriously, when’s the last time YOU heard a Chris Brown song on the radio?) and, three, he ain’t a monster.  I think that just says volumes by itself.  First words out of his mouth are his career, which he’s trying desperately to pretend isn’t a smoking wreck right now, and then a few words about his guilt, or lack thereof.

Oh, and to top it off, he further assures us that gossip sites, like Bossip.com and of course us here at The Clog, are all “liars”.

Wow…thanks for that, Chrissie.  Low blow.  Seriously, low blow.  I’m tempted to crack jokes about how they’re just going to LOVE you in lockup…repeatedly…but I’ll take the high road.

Well, folks–the curtain has been thrown back, and now, the first couple of TLC are being revealed as weirder than anything Spencer and Heidi could’ve come up with.  Here’s a quick rundown on the many newsy tidbits I dug up:

1. Kate kept Jon on an allowance of just five dollars a day.  That’s right–Jon was allowed just five bucks per day for spending money, and if he ever needed more, he would only get it at the expense of hours of intense browbeating.

2. Before the sextuplets were born, Jon lost a job for spending hours at a time doing personal websurfing to get free stuff for his upcoming litter of children.  That’s what his boss says, anyway–Jon and Kate, meanwhile, claim that Jon was fired because the company didn’t want the burden of insuring the children.

3. Kate’s brother and sister-in-law are actually trying to get LAWS PASSED–yes, like actual laws–making it illegal for shows like Jon and Kate Plus Eight to ever exist.

What on earth will happen next??  Well, folks, that’s why you read the Clog.  More news as it hits!

I know—I’m still amazed my fingers didn’t fall off from typing that one.  But the word is apparently true; Paris’ current beau of the week, Doug Reinhardt, is planning to make an “honest woman” out of Paris by proposing marriage.  That’s definite, too—he’s CONFIRMED it, so says The Mail.

There are so many things to say at this point that one wonders just where to begin.  They’ve only been dating for five months now, she’s been around the block more times than a trolley car, he’s a lunatic for getting involved with Paris in the first place and there’s a really, REALLY good chance that he’s just desperately trying to keep his name in the gossip blogs…right on down the line.

Good luck to him, though—he’ll likely need it.  But man…Paris getting married.  How monumentally screwed up is THAT?

Who indeed?  Who ever could pull such a thing off?

Seems Katie Holmes’ “schedule” was just entirely too jam-packed with other stuff (possibly including who knows how much Scientology weirdness) to continue her role in upcoming film The Other Side.  So guess who they got to replace her?  No more obliqueness here—it’s LINDSAY LOHAN.

No, seriously.  Stop laughing.  I mean it.  This isn’t a joke, much as you might think one is being played on us, if nothing else than at the cosmic level.  Especially when you consider that La Lohan was hand-picked by Katie Holmes to take over for her.  Under normal circumstances, most directors won’t take her as it’s too hard to get insurance on the Lohan, but apparently, the director was somehow convinced to “take a chance” on Lindsay, who’s apparently trying desperately to get herself back on track.

Well, more power to her, I guess, but that doesn’t make things any less weird.

You know when your wife breaks down crying on your Discovery Channel show and says “We may not be together much longer”, your blood has to be running colder than frozen molasses.

In case you haven’t been keeping up, the rumors are flying fast and furious around the real-life title characters of the show Jon and Kate Plus 8—one day he’s having an affair.  The next she’s having an affair herself.  Both deny everything.  And then, well, that means all sorts of potentially nasty things for the show and the media empire and—let’s face it—who’s going to watch Two Philanderers Who Had A Mess Of Kids But Still Kept Sleeping Around?  In fact, on the most recent episode, the two didn’t appear on camera together until the last fifteen minutes of the show.  Then, toward the end, Kate delivered the fateful pronouncement about their potentially doomed marriage.

So will we be seeing more pancakes and potties next season?  Or is this flash in the pan already burnt out?

So Brad and Angelina, who were reported on several occasions to be on the outs with each other as Brad was reportedly swinging back in Jennifer Aniston’s direction, were seen together in Cannes to catch Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds.  And what’s more, they were seen not snapping at each other and looking downright in LURVE.

British mag The Sun, meanwhile, doesn’t buy a single word, look or smoldering glance, and actually went so far as to publish a LIST OF REASONS why their relationship is a complete joke.  A seven-point list of reasons, no less, including, among others: she likes the East Coast and he favors the West, and, and this is a quote–“She wants to adopt more kids, he doesn’t.”  Considering the Brangelina clan is already massive, they may have something going on there.

But still…The Sun’s got some interesting points—however, it remains to be seen just how accurate the whole thing is.  Naturally, we’ll be keeping our eyes on it….won’t we?

Remember when I told you about Alec Baldwin’s little Philippines problem?  Seems there’s been a whole new wrinkle to tell you about, and man, is it ever a winner.  Not only has Baldwin, with his unpleasant remarks at the expense of the entire Filipino country, been threatened by representatives of the government, but it’s gone one step farther.

Alec Baldwin has been oh-ficially declared an “undesirable alien” by the Filipino government, meaning he is not allowed anywhere in the country.  Ever.  He will “only be allowed back in with approval from the country’s Department of Foreign Affairs.”

Bureau of Immigration Commissioner Marcelino Libanan said in a statement: “by being in the bureau’s blacklist, Baldwin is forbidden from entering the country as he is deemed an undesirable alien.”

Nicely done, people of the Philippines!  Which of our celebrities will you ban from the country next?

My bet:  Paris Hilton.

Yes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer might be coming to movie theaters again for the first time since 1992.  And while Joss Whedon — who wrote the original movie and presided over the seven-season-long TV hit — could potentially be involved down the road, the new movie is not being developed with his input at all.

The Hollywood Reporter article that broke the news doesn’t have much info about the plot of the new movie, because the producers who want to make it — Roy Lee and Doug Davison of Vertigo Entertainment, and the original movie’s director, Fran Rubel Kuzui — aren’t quite sure either.

They know it won’t involve any of the supporting cast from the TV show: no Xander, Willow, Spike, or the rest.  They like the idea that “each generation has its own vampire slayer to protect it,” but they say it will be a remake/reboot, not a sequel or prequel.

Frankly, beyond “let’s make a Buffy movie again,” it sounds like they have no clue what they want to do.

Whedon has been known as the creative mind behind Buffy for so long that it’s hard to imagine it without him, even though Kuzui’s the one who retains the rights.  Of course, he has such a large fanbase (not just from Buffy but also from Firefly/Serenity) that his lack of involvement might spark more than a little outrage.  It’ll be very interesting to see where this goes.

You’ve gotta hand it to Woody Allen for writing and directing an original movie every single year.  Some get great reviews (Match Point), and some get lousy reviews and are promptly forgotten (Anything Else), but at seventy-three years old, the guy’s like the marathon runner who refuses to stop at the end of the marathon.  He’s had at least one movie come out every single year since 1982.

This year’s movie, Whatever Works, got some good and some bad reviews when it premiered last month at the Tribeca Film Festival.  You can now check out the trailer to decide for yourself.  It has some legitimately funny moments, but it remains to be seen how well everything will tie together:

Ghostbusters 3 moved past the theoretical stage this year and is looking like more and more of a real thing.  Frequent updates are spilling out about where the project stands via one of the original stars, Dan Aykroyd, so I figured now’s as good a time as any to collect all the info and give a quick low-down on the current situation:

-The screenplay is currently still being written by Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, two staff writers on The Office.

-All four original Ghostbusters: Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, and even Bill Murray — the main hold-out when Aykroyd was trying to get a third movie out in the ’90s — are on board for the movie, as is Sigourney Weaver, who appeared in the first two movies.  No concrete word on Rick Moranis yet, who also appeared in the original two.  (Apparently the four originals all had their interest renewed after recently voicing the Ghostbusters video game.)

-The story will place the original four Ghostbusters in a “mentor” capacity which will allow a new generation of Ghostbusters to be introduced.  Everybody’s saying, though no decisions have been made, that the new generation will be of the Seth Rogen/Paul Rudd/that-whole-gang variety.  Rogen said in an interview last year that he hadn’t been approached but was open to the idea.

-”There’ll be a whole new generation that has to be trained and a leader that you’ll all love when you meet her,” Aykroyd told the Guardian. “There’ll be lots of cadets, boys and girls who’ll be learning how to use the neuron splitter and the inter-planet interceptor - new tools to enable them to slip from dimension to dimension.”

-The other major rumor is that Harold Ramis (who directs this summer’s Year One) will step into the director’s chair once inhabited by Ivan Reitman.