The Chris Brown / Rihanna drama has reached new and heretofore uncharted levels of epic and awesome, folks. Excuse me while I wipe away a tear from my belly laugh and say that this is just…just so much WIN.
Academic journal Star magazine, who is possibly being sued by John Mayer for saying he’s writing a tell-all about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, is claiming that Rihanna and Brown recorded their private adult times together. Supposedly, the tapes are in Brown’s possession, and Rihanna is worried that he’ll release them.
And next week on “Duh” Magazine: cigarettes are bad for you, and eating multiple cheesecakes in one sitting will in fact make you fat. Look, let’s face it, folks. Chris Brown’s career leaks juice when you stick a fork in it. It is done. Over. He is pretty much persona non grata EVERYWHERE. If he has sex tapes of him and Rihanna of course he’s going to release them, and to the highest bidder.
Do you seriously think he’s going to just give them back, sigh piteously, and go put on the paper trainee hat at Long John Silver’s while he asks some eight year old “Would you like fries with that, sir?”?
Realistically, it’s the last card he has to play. To suggest that he wouldn’t play it requires a level of ethical behavior on par with sainthood. I can’t imagine him EVER returning said tapes because it’s a matter of SURVIVAL at this point. And when people do unpleasant things to survive I find I have a hard time blaming them. Frankly, there but for the grace of God go I, and I can’t say I’d go back to the video store before I’d hand over tapes of me having sex with some hot famous chick to any magazine willing to shell out for them.
Much as many would like to, this time, you can’t just blame Chris Brown.
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