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Paris Hilton…To Marry??

26. May 2009

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I know—I’m still amazed my fingers didn’t fall off from typing that one.  But the word is apparently true; Paris’ current beau of the week, Doug Reinhardt, is planning to make an “honest woman” out of Paris by proposing marriage.  That’s definite, too—he’s CONFIRMED it, so says The Mail. There are so many things to say [...]

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Who Could Possibly Replace Katie Holmes?

26. May 2009

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Who indeed?  Who ever could pull such a thing off? Seems Katie Holmes’ “schedule” was just entirely too jam-packed with other stuff (possibly including who knows how much Scientology weirdness) to continue her role in upcoming film The Other Side.  So guess who they got to replace her?  No more obliqueness here—it’s LINDSAY LOHAN. No, seriously.  Stop [...]

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Brad And Angelina Together Again? Not Likely, Says The Sun

26. May 2009

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So Brad and Angelina, who were reported on several occasions to be on the outs with each other as Brad was reportedly swinging back in Jennifer Aniston’s direction, were seen together in Cannes to catch Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds.  And what’s more, they were seen not snapping at each other and looking downright in LURVE. British [...]

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Alec Baldwin Frantically Apologizes About Filipino Mail-Order Bride

21. May 2009

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So just a couple days ago, Alec Baldwin was making some offhanded cracks about Filipino mail order brides on the Late Show with David Letterman.  Kind of jokes we’ve all heard before, really, but needless to say, folks in the Philippines did not take it lightly.  Especially not a former action movie star and current [...]

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Slumdog Millionaire Houses Torn Down By The Raftload

21. May 2009

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Well, folks, the lesson of the day here is that celebrity unused is no solution for grinding poverty. Oh, and Danny Boyle?  Where were you, buddy? Seems that the houses of both Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Rubina Ali (whom you’ll remember as having been almost sold to foreign journalists) were torn down recently to make room for [...]

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Thank You, John Mayer…

21. May 2009

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…for handing me more ammunition than an entire warehouse of Remington 12-gauge.  Let’s go to the Twitter tape!  The following has been consolidated for ease of use. Let’s hammer this out today. Long before ‘douches’ and ‘famewhores’ there were these people called ’showbiz types. ”Showbiz types’ are people who grew up talking to themselves alone in [...]

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Whoopi To Glenn Beck’s Face: Lying Sack of Dog Mess

21. May 2009

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Journalism, Whoopi.  You’re doing it wrong. But that’s okay, because so is Glenn Beck. Anyway, the big deal this go-round is that when Glenn Beck was on The View, his stock having shot up considerably since he stopped being CNN Headline News’ puppet and instead became Fox News’ puppet, when he told a story about how Barbara [...]

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Waht’s Wonrg Wtih Hayden Panettiere’s Ttatoo?

21. May 2009

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Chances are you’re wondering what’s wrong with that hash I made out of the headline but I assure you it’s for a good reason.  Check THIS out: Hayden Panettiere has been showing off a tattoo along the left side of her back lately. But the tattoo, which reads “vivere senza rimipianti” (”to live without regrets”), is [...]

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Robert Pattinson Making Big Deal At Cannes

19. May 2009

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I’m quick to land on Pattinson with both feet when he screws up, but never let it be said that I’m not equal opportunity, either.  Apparently, the Twilight saga star swung by Cannes to catch some movies, including upcoming Tarantino war flick Inglourious Basterds, while he was wrapping up the Italian round of shooting for [...]

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Paris Hilton Getting Sued Over Lousy Movie

19. May 2009

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So Paris Hilton, as you may or may not know, has been in a slew of cheesy direct to video craptaculars that make me want to gouge my eyes out whenever I see one on the shelves.  We’re all at least passingly familiar with The Hottie and the Nottie, but maybe you don’t know about [...]

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The Reports of Patrick Swayze’s Demise Are Greatly Exaggerated

19. May 2009

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So the race to be the first to report Patrick Swazye’s ultimate end at the hands of cancer is on and fierce, with the first victim, the crew out at Buzz Newsroom, falling prey to a bogus tip received from “several sources” that the actor had finally lost his battle.  The word from Buzz: Updated: this [...]

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Robert Pattinson Just Doesn’t Know What You Want!

14. May 2009

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The clearly tormented stripper-beau Robert Pattinson is shaking in his boots, folks.  In a new and interesting pose for Hollywood, Pattinson understands that celebrity is a tenuous thing, and it’s really only maintained by keeping his fans happy.  Check THIS out! “You see all these people that surround you and you think that one way or [...]

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So, K-Fed…Waiting For the Torches And Pitchforks?

14. May 2009

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In an era where people are losing their homes and police are having to break up tent cities of homeless, it’s perhaps the height of stupidity, hubris, or both to suggest that you can’t make ends meet on the preposterously low support payments Britney Spears pays out–a MEASLY FORTY GRAND A MONTH. Yes, you read that [...]

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Angelina Jolie Not Taking Brad Pitt’s Weakness Lightly

14. May 2009

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So you remember how Brad Pitt was drunk-calling former flame Jennifer Aniston and trying to get back together with her, possibly to escape the third-world country that Angelina Jolie’s made out of their home by importing children from many lands?  Well, she’s not taking it lightly–dig the word: “…according to a source who spoke to Now, [...]

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Lindsay Lohan’s Collapse Now In Final Stages

14. May 2009

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Holy CRAP, man…just when I start thinking that maybe things can go back to normal between me and Lindsay Lohan and I can start mocking her again, she goes and does something truly pathetic again to make me sad I even thought about it.  Seriously, folks, dig this. Couple days ago, LAPD got a phone call [...]

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