Carradine was found in a Bangkok hotel room; he was in Thailand shooting the movie.  Early reports claim the actor hanged himself.

Carradine appeared in well over 100 movies and at least 50 TV shows; in fact, his IMDb profile lists a whopping 222 acting credits.  Try finding an actor with more.

After reaching fame with Kung Fu, Carradine also starred in the cult hit Death Race 2000, but spent much of the ’80s and ’90s in TV roles and B movies.  That put him on Quentin Tarantino’s radar for Kill Bill, which temporarily returned him to the mainstream in 2003 and 2004.  Since then, if possible, he’d been even more prolific, alternating between B movies, supporting roles in theatrical releases (Crank: High Voltage), and TV show guest spots (Medium, Alias).

Which means, of course, Beck has pretty much officially been vindicated and there is now a giant cloud of silence coming from The View as neither Barbara nor Whoopi looks even vaguely interested in apologizing for the castigation they gave Beck on their show.

Come on, ladies!  Show some girl power and, well, man up!  Apologize to the poor guy!

This raises a whole host of interesting questions, such as:

1.    Isn’t it at least somewhat likely she’ll be stoned by angry fundamentalists the second she sets foot on the ground over there?  They’re still steaming about Salman Rushdie and that was like twenty, thirty years ago.

2.    Who would want to be Paris’ BFF considering the shabby treatment she’s shown Brittany Flickinger?  Guess the second F really isn’t that F, huh?

3.    Who would want to be Paris’ BFF knowing that she’d be regarding them almost as a commodity, like rental homes?  If she’s so desperate to collect BFFs, how will she ever know which one is B?  Frankly, I REALLY doubt that second F now, and even that FIRST F is looking shaky.

Guess it’s just another day in Paris’ insane la-la land.

Then things REALLY went off the rails when Olson claims that the camera crew then rushed her and started beating her, when she fled to another room, passed out, and hit her head on the floor.  She was diagnosed with two “brain bleeds”, whatever those are, and she’s been in a wheelchair ever since.  Interestingly, this all happened in 2007.  Yeah, as in “two years ago” 2007.

Anyone else wonder why she waited to sue until just ahead of the movie’s release date?

But there’s already a note of tension—Madonna’s hoping he’ll specialize in old-school hip hop.  But Jesus has other plans…techno.  Worse, she’s apparently giving him style tips and correcting his grammar in public.

Maybe this massive emasculation is payback for the whole “we’re just friends” thing.

Just to recap, while at the MTV movie awards, Eminem was doing some hosting duties when, out of nowhere, Sacha Baron Cohen in his Bruno persona, dropped out of the sky and landed in Eminem’s lap.  Just so you know, Cohen was wearing wings and a thong.  And NOTHING ELSE.

Eminem then promptly stormed out in a flurry of bleeped obscenities.  Now for the rumor control.

While it’s true that Eminem was in on the joke, it seems that he wasn’t in on the EXTENT of the joke.  He had no idea about the thong, or the waggling of Cohen’s posterior in his face that happened subsequently, though you’d think that if Eminem was even vaguely familiar with Cohen’s career, he should’ve seen that coming.

So is this the beginning of a new rap-style feud?  Should Cohen be watching his…back?  All this and a whole bunch more right here on The Clog!

I know.  I gasped too.

Pink, you see, is a PETA diehard, and you know what PETA does to people who wear fur.  Check out what Pink thought!

“I was just so grossed out by him. I’m like, ‘You’re an idiot!,’  There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he’s up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur.”

Okay…so Pink’s willing to kill people to preserve animal rights.  Say what you will, but skinning people alive is almost certain to kill them, if not by sheer shock trauma then by exsanguination.  That’s not a skewed sense of priorities or nothing.  Seriously though, Pink, dial it down a notch, huh?

Remember the whole Jesus Luz thing I talked about last week, saying that he and Madonna were “just friends”?  And remember how I thought that might send Madonna off the deep end?  Well, here was the first major test of that hypothesis, when both Madonna and Kate Hudson (who, as we know, is dating Madonna’s ex, Alex Rodriguez) were out watching visiting Prince Harry play polo.

Kate, upon hearing that Madonna was in the room, promptly vacated the good seats she had near the front to watch the horses chase balls around so that she could hide in the back.  Madonna, terrifyingly, TOOK KATE’S VACATED SEATS and watched the polo match. And she then WATCHED THE POLO MATCH.  She did NOTHING to Kate Hudson.  Not even so much as a dirty look.

Whoa.  Now I’m freaked out.  That was a sane, rational and fully mature reaction.  That’s not a celebrity reaction…not at ALL.

It’s going to be auctioned off.

Yes, the footballs, the jerseys, the photographs he was out to reclaim will be auctioned off by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. The proceeds from said auction will be going almost directly to the Goldman family to help settle that thirty three-odd million dollar wrongful death judgment against Simpson back in 1997.

While it’s almost believable that Simpson was really never out to hurt anyone, he’s still locked up.  But there’s no two ways about it–this is a REAL crap sandwich.

“They make up relationships when they’re not there, and he [Doug] just thinks it’s lame,” said Paris. “I’ve never seen the show in my life. I have no idea what it’s about.”

So…you’ve never seen it, you have no idea what it’s about, and you know they make up relationships that aren’t there?  Where DO you get your information, Paris?

Naturally, the cast of The Hills wasn’t taking it lying down!  Lauren Conrad launched a salvo of fury, declaring that “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion”.  Spencer Pratt was ablaze with rage, and forcefully stated “Its really hard because I’ve always liked Paris. She’s always been really awesome whenever I’ve hung out with her. I’ve actually been quoted a billion times saying that they’re [Paris and Doug] are my favorite celebrity couple. They’re so nice so it’s a low blow.”

Um…maybe they DID take it lying down.  Oh, wait!  Holly!  Holly will show some spine in the face of this!  What did she say?  Oh…wow.  She says that Paris is “just jealous” of the show’s “success”.

Wow, guys…way to stand up for your jobs.  Paris just owned you like her shoes.

And here’s the really nifty part.  Apparently, Rob’s been taking this whole Lautner thing seriously, because recent photos of him have him looking easily as buff as the werewolves.  Visible six pack, kids.  From scrawny, pasty bloodsucker to chiseled in a matter of weeks–this is no small task, and one that bears mentioning.

So again, I’m left to give kudos to Rob for taking things into his own hands and getting stuff accomplished!  Careful, Rob–this is the second free pass you’ve gotten from me in as many months.  You keep making a habit of this and I might have to start, you know, RESPECTING you.

Well, count Madonna in on the list of people who’ve been there too, as her twenty-two year old boyfriend, Jesus Luz, told the show “Fantastico” that Madonna is his “friend, only my friend”.  He then followed up with:

“Madonna is a person who I admire very much, a friend who has entered my life and [with whom] I keep in contact. I cannot say anything more than I don’t have plans of marrying her. I can’t say if she is the woman in my life.”

Good bye, Jesus…we hardly knew ye.  And we won’t either, after Madge’s people sink you face down into a peat bog in Jersey.

“made pme lov3ly blackberry tea and my firat dress from scratch with hel from my pleat guy, wonderful french bucol chiffons idid the dyeing.”

What’s with the three?  Did you just lapse into leetspeak for a minute there?  Or are you just the lousiest typist ever?  Sure, most of those could just be “wiigii” errors (small transpositions of keys, turning words like woohoo into wiigii) but there’s so many.  Courtney…do you need a proofreader?  My rates are reasonable–call me!

She then followed up with something a lot less spelling wrong and much more conceptually wrong:

“It’s weird cos marc jacobs were texting re the fallout and cleaing our lives of negative psychic vampires so its really at a good time, bye.”

…do I even want to know what “psychic vampires” are?

Thank you, Twitter, for a crystal-clear window into celebrity insanity at its finest.

So Chris Brown, coherent as ever as he goes into his upcoming trial had a few words to say on his own behalf, in a recently released online video.

He wants to assure us all that, one, the new album will be coming out soon (too bad no one will buy it), two, that he will “drop a single this summer for y’all” (too bad no radio station will play it–seriously, when’s the last time YOU heard a Chris Brown song on the radio?) and, three, he ain’t a monster.  I think that just says volumes by itself.  First words out of his mouth are his career, which he’s trying desperately to pretend isn’t a smoking wreck right now, and then a few words about his guilt, or lack thereof.

Oh, and to top it off, he further assures us that gossip sites, like Bossip.com and of course us here at The Clog, are all “liars”.

Wow…thanks for that, Chrissie.  Low blow.  Seriously, low blow.  I’m tempted to crack jokes about how they’re just going to LOVE you in lockup…repeatedly…but I’ll take the high road.

There are so many things to say at this point that one wonders just where to begin.  They’ve only been dating for five months now, she’s been around the block more times than a trolley car, he’s a lunatic for getting involved with Paris in the first place and there’s a really, REALLY good chance that he’s just desperately trying to keep his name in the gossip blogs…right on down the line.

Good luck to him, though—he’ll likely need it.  But man…Paris getting married.  How monumentally screwed up is THAT?

Seems Katie Holmes’ “schedule” was just entirely too jam-packed with other stuff (possibly including who knows how much Scientology weirdness) to continue her role in upcoming film The Other Side.  So guess who they got to replace her?  No more obliqueness here—it’s LINDSAY LOHAN.

No, seriously.  Stop laughing.  I mean it.  This isn’t a joke, much as you might think one is being played on us, if nothing else than at the cosmic level.  Especially when you consider that La Lohan was hand-picked by Katie Holmes to take over for her.  Under normal circumstances, most directors won’t take her as it’s too hard to get insurance on the Lohan, but apparently, the director was somehow convinced to “take a chance” on Lindsay, who’s apparently trying desperately to get herself back on track.

Well, more power to her, I guess, but that doesn’t make things any less weird.

British mag The Sun, meanwhile, doesn’t buy a single word, look or smoldering glance, and actually went so far as to publish a LIST OF REASONS why their relationship is a complete joke.  A seven-point list of reasons, no less, including, among others: she likes the East Coast and he favors the West, and, and this is a quote–“She wants to adopt more kids, he doesn’t.”  Considering the Brangelina clan is already massive, they may have something going on there.

But still…The Sun’s got some interesting points—however, it remains to be seen just how accurate the whole thing is.  Naturally, we’ll be keeping our eyes on it….won’t we?

“…dared Baldwin to step foot in his country so that the actor could ’see mayhem,’”

Baldwin, of course, is way too old and out of shape for any real mayhem, and thus dashed to his Huffington Post blog with this response:

“While on the David Letterman program, I joked that I might need a ‘mail-order bride’ to achieve the goal of having more children in my life. I believe that most people understood that this was a joke and took it as such. (A dated reference, no doubt, and another sign of my advancing age.) However, I do apologize to anyone who took offense.”

He then made some offhanded noises about raising money for anti-human trafficking charities, which made the whole thing just that much sadder.

Oh, and Danny Boyle?  Where were you, buddy?

Seems that the houses of both Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Rubina Ali (whom you’ll remember as having been almost sold to foreign journalists) were torn down recently to make room for pedestrian overpasses.  Ismail is kind of a lesser story on this one, but Ali’s sort of the big deal right now as her stepmother is currently ten weeks pregnant and, just prior to the demolition, her father was beaten by ten, count ‘em, TEN police officers.

Bet Rubina’s wondering if she can tap that trust fund money yet and get her and her family a PLACE TO LIVE.

Let’s hammer this out today. Long before ‘douches’ and ‘famewhores’ there were these people called ’showbiz types. ”Showbiz types’ are people who grew up talking to themselves alone in a room for hours until they found some sort of outlet.  Once they found that outlet, everything fell into place, except for the fact that they still never worked out why they still talk so much. So you see, though filled with deep emotional voids that can never be filled, Showbiz Types are an important part of our Nation’s tapestry.I’m a Showbiz Type. (cue penny whistle and marching drums) But I am not a douche!! (of 1,090,466, seventeen stand and applaud wildly).”

Wow, John–I may not be a trained medical personnel, but from what you’ve just said there it sure sounds like you’re:

1. Mildly schizophrenic, as evidenced by a whole lot of talking to yourself.  Did you ever respond, John?

2. An emotional basketcase, as evidenced by “deep emotional voids”.

3. Egomaniacal, as evidenced by your assertion that you’re “an important part of this Nation’s tapestry”.

4. Not necessarily a douche or a famewhore but the precursor of both.

Sometimes, folks, the best thing you can do is sit back and let a celebrity talk.  Or tweet.

But that’s okay, because so is Glenn Beck.

Anyway, the big deal this go-round is that when Glenn Beck was on The View, his stock having shot up considerably since he stopped being CNN Headline News’ puppet and instead became Fox News’ puppet, when he told a story about how Barbara Walters, Whoopi,  and some of the Sixty Minutes crew had somehow managed to winkle reserved seating out of Amtrak, when such is not normally their policy.  Goldberg and Walters in turn loudly denied such, and Beck tried to defend himself, but his defense was short lived at best.

I saw the video of this debacle–and man, is it ever a DEBACLE when the man setting himself up to be, in the words of Spider Jerusalem, “the hard man of American letters” can’t take on four has-beens running a daytime talk show.  He probably should have known better than to take on The View on their own turf–though he should’ve got some support from known right-winger Elizabeth Hasslebeck whose silence spoke volumes throughout the interview.

But this one, Glenn, was an epic fail for you.

Hayden Panettiere has been showing off a tattoo along the left side of her back lately. But the tattoo, which reads “vivere senza rimipianti” (”to live without regrets”), is misspelled—her “rimpianti” has an extra “i” in it.

So basically, Hayden’s walking around with a misspelled Italian phrase on her back.  Thankfully, almost no one who sees it will actually SPEAK Italian in the first place, so almost no one will notice.  But we’ll notice, won’t we, folks?  Oh, you bet we will.  That’s half the fun!

“It is still strange,” Pattinson said Tuesday. “I just don’t get the immediate-recognition thing. I was at the Frankfurt airport yesterday, and people just immediately know who you are. It’s never, ‘Are you …?’ It’s just like, ‘Can I have a photo?’”

Then on the point of security, he added:

“They had tons of security, but then at the end of the day actually, hardly anyone knew where we were shooting,” Pattinson said. “I’m walking around with, like, three guys following me around all the time, and no one ever turned up. There was never any infiltrators.”

Well, good for you, buddy–though you may want to stop and consider that some of that might be the Taylor Lautner effect you were so concerned about earlier.  Just as a possibility, you know.

They didn’t do very well, quite possibly because video store patrons could see that disaster coming three miles away like it was toting a fifty foot neon sign on its back saying “Warning: Horrendous Movie Beneath This Sign”, but Pledge This! in particular lost its investors just over eight million dollars.  The investors involved blame not a weak script or lousy acting or the fact that no one really wanted to touch a movie involving Paris Hilton that wasn’t shot in night vision, but rather that she, Paris, didn’t sufficiently promote the movie, as was required by her contract.

Hilton and attorneys, of course, loudly and vociferously insist that she promoted the movie “relentlessly” and there was nothing more that could be done, but U.S. District Judge Federico Moreno ruled that there’s enough evidence to take this sucker to trial.

The biggest question here, of course, would be if more promotion would have made a difference to begin with….

Updated: this rumor, which started on the radio, has been verified as not true from Mr. Swayze’s representation (too bad they didn’t return our calls). This morning our inbox was inundated with email messages from reliable sources stating that indeed he passed away, which is the reason we stated this was a “tip” and with a question mark.

They got the word from a radio station–Floridian radio station Kiss FM–and then passed it on.

Can’t blame them too much, says I; you get information from “reliable sources”, you pass it on.  That’s how celebrity journalism works.  Reliable sources are only RELIABLE, not infallible.  There’s a difference.  That’s why most celebrity journalism couches everything it says in terms like “reportedly”, “supposedly” and “allegedly”.  So, a hearty laugh in the direction of Buzz Newsroom, because there but for the grace of God goes anybody else.

“You see all these people that surround you and you think that one way or another you have to please them. I WANT to please them. They are the reason I get to do this job. I just worry that I don’t please them - but I don’t know what they want.”

I have to give him his due props for this one.  Every day I hear about celebrities who don’t appreciate that it’s the fans that keep their careers going, not some kind of superhuman ability on their part.  You can be good, but if no one’s paying attention, then what good is it?  But anyway, that’s some REAL humility the guy’s got going on, and if it’s not staged, which even I admit is doubtful, this is a guy who deserves his rabid fan base.

Nicely done, Rob.  You get a pass today.  Savor the flavor because I don’t give out many.

Yes, you read that correctly, four, then four zeroes, a MONTH.  Expanded out that’s four hundred and eighty thousand dollars a year.  K-Fed can’t hack it on half a million bucks a YEAR.  But then, when you take a look at his budget details, you start to wonder.  Check this out:

K-Fed spends $7,500 a month on rent, $2,000 a month on food, $1,500 a month on utilities, $800 a month on booze, $2,800 a month on a nanny for their two boys, and $3,000 a month on bodyguards.

Interestingly, that totals just under eighteen thousand a month, making me wonder where the remaining twenty two grand a month goes.  Hmmm…dig the word:

“Kevin has blown through millions of dollars,” revealed a source. “When he and Britney divorced, Kevin continued the superstar lifestyle, and he spends all the money that he gets.”

Time to rein it in, Kevin–the gravy train just derailed.

“…according to a source who spoke to Now, she told Pitt “he’d humiliated her for the last time and that if he wanted to go back to his boring shallow life with Jen, that was fine by her.”

WoooOOOOOO!

Is Billy Bob Thornton opening a vein over a cut-crystal bottle, licking his chops to get back with Angelina?  Will Brad Pitt leave Toddlerland once and for all and drink his tequila out of Jennifer Aniston’s navel from now on?  Stay tuned!

Couple days ago, LAPD got a phone call that someone tripped the alarm in La Lohan’s house.  She wasn’t home at the time, apparently, and thus police went to investigate.  They found the place ransacked from top to bottom.  Worse, there were pry marks on the back door, and some kind of nonspecific “tampering” with the back window”.

Oh, but that’s not the half of it–seems that La Lohan’s neighbors suggest that it was that ever-present bugaboo’s fault, the paparazzi.  Photographers are CONSTANTLY outside the house, say neighbors, and they punched holes in the shrubbery and cut the wires on closed-circuit cameras before attempting their break-in.

I suppose it’s possible, but once again, I’m thoroughly sick of everybody blaming the media for everything, even break-in attempts.  Though if it WERE their fault, I’d be just as upset at them for dragging our name once again through the mud.

In Unbound Captives, he will star as Rachel Weisz’s son in the 1859 American frontier.  After his father is murdered, he gets kidnapped, and a frontiersman (Hugh Jackman) comes to Weisz’s aid to help stage a rescue.

In other words, it sounds like it could be a really well-done adventure flick starring three extremely attractive people.

The screenplay is a pet project of actress Madeline Stowe (12 Monkeys), who wrote it and will direct.  In order to retain creative control, she reportedly turned down a five million dollar offer that would’ve had Ridley Scott directing and Russell Crowe starring.

Apparently, a beauty salon owner down in St. Louis was waiting for her fiance to get off work when she noticed some unusual items in a trash bin.  Upon closer examination, the items in question turned out to be Summit Entertainment scripts–one for upcoming George Clooney title Up in the Air and one for none other than New Moon.

The salon owner took the scripts back to Summit, instead of selling them to the highest bidder or leaking details like no tomorrow.  How was she rewarded for her supreme act of good faith? Summit, in its truly puling and weak gratitude, invited her to the premiere of New Moon.  Yeah.  That’s it.  She could’ve sunk an entire production and walked away with a fortune, but Summit, proving that no good deed goes unpunished, rewarded the salon owner’s honesty by GIVING HER A MOVIE TICKET.

Weak sauce, Summit.  Weak. SAUCE.  If there is any justice, Twilight fans will stay home in droves and wait for New Moon to hit video, thus neutering the production’s earnings.

Pitt has enrolled in an alcohol/cleansing program with a top Beverly Hills spiritual/rehab counselor.

Perhaps the best part is the why of it all–apparently, Pitt’s not just going to keep his liver from shutting down from the booze he’s pouring on it regularly, he’s also going to get away from baby magnate / clan leader Angelina Jolie.  That same word suggest that Pitt might well have DIED had he not sought counseling.

Talk about your out of nowhere stuff, folks!  If all this word is true, then best wishes to Pitt in rehab.  In all honesty, Angelina Jolie scares me green too.

“It was so scary - she was gone for a week and I wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back. It was like losing a child. She was a couple of blocks away at an old lady’s house. The lady didn’t watch TV so she didn’t know my dog was missing. Then she saw the sign and I got her back.”

Clearly Paris hasn’t seen Billy Madison.  Adam Sandler had plenty of choice phraseology for dog losers like Hilton.

The laptop geisha got both barrels from Brown’s legal team, who called Hilton’s statement “false and defamatory” (which is, if I remember correctly, legally actionable if they want to take a run at it), and went on to further declare that “Chris has not released or ‘leaked’ any photos of Rihanna (or anyone else for that matter).”

Of course, if not Brown, then who?  After all, who else would’ve had access to a naked Rihanna?

…maybe someone should give Jay-Z a call….

He’s edited his recent ACTUAL fiction novel, Bright Shiny Morning, to include a sex story and what is described as a “thinly veiled stab at Oprah”, involving someone who gets “caught up in a highly publicized controversy”, (like himself!) not to mention on “a television show that he knows is going to end badly for him”. (see also: like himself) Sounds pretty self-referential, until the NEXT part, where said someone “starts taping his phone conversations, including one with the talk show host”. In this conversation, she “reveals some startling information about herself”.

Now, all this could be so much crockery designed to hawk a novel. But by like token, if it’s true, man…this would be a thing of purest beauty. Who knows what dark secrets are locked away in Oprah’s closet? For crying out loud, I personally think she’s starting her own cult–she’s got thousands of fanatical followers worldwide. Who knows what Frey’s got on her?

Maybe nothing, maybe something. Stay tuned!

“Just [through] Paula, actually I don’t know what she’s saying half the time.”

Neither do we, Anderson, but at least now we know the problem isn’t on our end. I love it when my opinions of people are vindicated. It’s good to know that the whole “I don’t get Paula Abdul” thing wasn’t just my own lack of understanding–there were plenty of other people who were lost. That always helps my outlook on life. Not to crack really hard on a woman who spent a whole lot of time doped out of her mind on painkillers, but seriously–it was NUTS. If she was having that kind of problem, she probably should’ve gone to rehab LONG before this point, no?

But at least it all came out in the end, huh?

I feel so much better now.

Anyway, dig the word on just what the story was:

Abdul says she was diagnosed with a neurological disorder called “reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome” in 2005 and started wearing a patch that delivered a pain medication 80 times more potent than morphine, taking nerve medications, and muscle relaxers, and decided to enter rehab.

…EIGHTY TIMES more potent than morphine?? And other medication on top of it? She wasn’t just the queen of Cloudcuckooland, she WAS Metaluna. Double bonus kudos points for anyone who gets BOTH references there.

But YIPES, folks. Just…YIPES. That’s a LOT of medication–small wonder she hit rehab.

“Watching diablo on the vuew on you tube and shld be sleeping i l;opve pam! where do people getthis s***? edera we m,ust discuss the next one with silver! ;pts and ;lots of ei;ver o ;ovethe onme you macdefor me so much i could CRY amd shri,ptom whats up i wnt my Upcycle!”

(note: minor edits were made to make it work-safe)

…did she have a “wiigii” error there, or did she just “stroke out” for a minute? A “wiigii”, by the way, is a term from webcomicker David Willis, and describes an accidental transposing of immediate keys by touch-typists. Instead of “Woohoo”, you get “wiigii”, which is just the result of a key to the left accidentally.

I’ve got to admit, I’m freaked out plenty by that last sentence. What the deal is, I know precious little—but it’s still freaky, no matter how you slice it.

It was getting pretty creepy to watch, but it seems there may be some trouble in Camp Miley between her and recent beau Justin Gaston. How can you tell, you wonder? Well, we’ve intercepted a few bits from Justin Gaston’s Twitter page, and with a little bit of speculation and extrapolation, we can draw a few early conclusions. Here’s the evidence:

First, Gaston comes out with: “Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.” Not exactly the kind of thing you put up for no clear reason–either he’s feeling very retro or very disenfranchised with love.

But three hours later, he followed that up with: “Best bridge ever: ‘Because money can’t buy a husband’s jealous eye when you have knowingly deceived his wife.’ (Derek Webb)” Now put the two together and you’ve got some serious troubles here–especially considering the recent goings-on between Miley and Nick Jonas.

Like I said, all extrapolation and speculation, but putting two and two together here makes for an unsettling picture to say the least.

You may not have known this, but 50 Cent’s Long Island mansion burned down back in May of 2008, while he, his ex-girlfriend and their eleven year old son were living there. 50 apparently tired of his ex living in his house, so he began eviction proceedings to have his girlfriend removed. No word if 50 would’ve then forced his own son out in the streets alongside his mother, but that’s a different issue. Anyway, not long after this started, the house burned to the ground, and the ex-girlfriend was quick to suggest that 50 himself did it out of some kind of spite–an “if I can’t live here in peace then no one will again. Ever.” sort of thing.

Well, the official reports are back, and they seem to do a good job clearing 50–dig the word:

“The police department and insurance investigators ruled that there is absolutely no proof or evidence suggesting that Curtis Jackson or any affiliated parties were involved. Curtis Jackson has just been cleared of all the accusations. The investigation will continue until the guilty party is found.”

This was found on 50’s own web site, so take it with as big a grain of salt as necessary.

DeLuise was known for a host of roles over a long career, including his role as a flamboyant director during a completely out of canon sequence in Blazing Saddles, as well as in Cannonball Run and Spaceballs, where even I was surprised to discover he was the guy who played Pizza the Hutt. I must’ve seen Spaceballs two dozen times or more but I never realized it was him in the Pizza suit.

He wrote four cookbooks and seven children’s books, had three sons and a long marriage to actress Carol Arthur.

A funny guy with a whole panoply of great roles and great memories–so long, Dom…you will be missed.

“I no longer feel insecure about my acting. Early on I took any job that was offered, milking it for the money. I had no idea what I was doing — that’s when insecurity and self-loathing start.”
–Tom Hanks

Okay, um…you ARE aware that that’s how you get all the plum roles today, right? It’s called building a portfolio, a resume, or just plain old EXPERIENCE. You didn’t SERIOUSLY think you were going to walk right into Angels and Demons, did you? Man, maybe success is going to Tom Hanks’ head.

“It’s peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity. It’s a shame to see them so tuned out to real life”
–Bob Dylan

Way to bite the hand that feeds you, Bob; those kids on their iPods might well be listening to your songs. Besides, real life is graphically overrated anyway. You see what’s been going on in real life lately? Jobs are scarce, people living in tents, the President just blew three hundred large taking pictures of New York City that immediately became classified material…I think I’d rather be playing World of Warcraft.

“I’d go over to them (in the Middle East) and throw a party, so they could all get together and get along and stop the war.” –Paris Hilton

Paris, I love you. Really, I do. Sometimes I wonder if this whole stupidity thing is just an act but then you come out with something like this. They’d STONE YOU ON SIGHT. You know you’d never wear a burka. The thought of you going over there, throwing a party and hoping everyone would show up is either spectacularly naive or spectacularly stupid, I can’t tell which. It’s worse if you mean it, and if this is just part of the act, then you’re much better than I give you credit for.

Great. Now I can’t tell if it’s all an act again. Thanks, Paris!

Wonder if there was cherry chapstick involved?

But in all seriousness, folks, while filming the upcoming Little Ashes, Rob Pattinson, who has been captivating audiences for one whole film with his recent sparkly vampire performance in Twilight, shares a man-on-man kiss. Pattinson plays Salvador Dali, who will be seen swimming naked in the moonlight with Federico Garcia Lorca.

Of course, this has already sparked a whole host of “is he secretly gay?” gossip, but as pretty much everyone already knows he’s almost certainly just acting. ALMOST certainly–I guess that anything’s possible, and one thing celebrity gossip writing has taught me is that you rule anything out at your own peril, but I’m calling this an extreme long shot that Pattinson’s actually GAY.

And never say I don’t do anything for you, o my readership–here’s the video of said naked swimming kiss. Enjoy.

Man, I knew there was something to the whole “Tupac’s not dead” argument, especially considering there was a new Tupac album hitting stores every six months or so, but there may be some truth to the wishful thinking after all, maybe possibly kinda sorta perhaps.

Okay, you may be wondering what I’m getting at with all the prefaces, but here’s the deal. Apparently, a guy who looked and sounded JUST LIKE TUPAC walked into a club in Louisiana–Bourbon Rocks, by name–last Sunday, and the DJ on duty, MC Difficult, announced to all and sundry that “Tupac’s alive!”

The Tupac in question responded to questions and identified himself by the name “My Lord”. My Lord / Tupac then proceeded to spend the night pounding Budweisers with a hot chick and posed for one picture with MC Difficult before leaving. His final question to Difficult before leaving, however, was if Difficult knew where he could “score some good weed”.

…maybe Tupac really IS alive….

Because they’re done like an Easter ham, kids. And here everyone thought their marriage was going to hold up.

Publicists confirm that Kelis and Nas, once thought to be a marriage like a rock, have indeed split up. Granted, by all reports it seems to be amicable, but we don’t yet know why they split. You may remember how Kelis and Nas bragged that they bought their isolated Atlanta house specifically for the purpose of enjoying..well..extremely noisy canoodling, let us just say. And even worse, Kelis is apparently seven months pregnant with the result of one such noisy canoodling.

It’s a tragic day for celebrity breakups, kids…we don’t take any pleasure in it, but the news is still the news, and the news must always go on.

Does this come as a shock to anyone else? Seriously, does it? But it’s true–she recently made this announcement to the British publication News of the World, which really makes me think they’re stretching the title:

“I’m not embarrassed about being bisexual. This is who I am. Love is pure and I try to keep it that way. This is who I am, what I feel. I think it’s unnecessary to draw the subject out, but I think it even more stupid not to discuss it. It seems as if bisexuality is a trend and I should whip up the masses. Well, I don’t believe in trends, I just believe in me.”

Next up from News of the World: the sun is hot, smoking is bad for you, and you need a head to live. Seriously, this qualifies as NEWS? Frankly, I debated whether or not to even take a run at this myself but realized I could have plenty of fun mocking News of the World for actually believing that this might be news to people. We all had a pretty good idea Pink was bi–even Perez Hilton says that most people knew this one already–but I guess it’s good to have that in-print confirmation.

Now, this killed me when I heard it, folks–the swine flu outbreak (scuse me, I mean H1N1, please don’t send the CDC manners cops after me!) has landed in Great Britain, and it’s hit the lead singer of the drum-and-bass group N-DUBZ with a full on case.

Twenty year old Tulisa Contostavlos collapsed on a flight from London to Athens for a family vacation and was diagnosed with swine flu, or H1N1. Contostavlos was then admitted to a hospital and is currently being held in an isolation ward, but by all reports it looks as if Contostavlos will make a full recovery, as have most of the swine flu cases so far.

The band’s spokescritters went so far as to say they hope Contostavlos will be released in a couple of days.

The starlet said it herself, “My life really isn’t that interesting.” And it isn’t! So for me, I was glad to see LiLo on Ellen, setting the damn record straight finally. I have a feeling that the LiLo era of celebrity exploitation is coming to an end….but where one falls, another rises!

How? Leno is a giant! He’s big in other countries too! So if they travel all the way to L.A. and have intentions on seeing his show in person. They expect just that! Not this week ladies and gentlemen!

This actually is the first time in all the years Leno has done the Tonight Show that a taping has had to be cancelled due to him being ill. Can you believe that? Since 1992!!!! And you call-in every few weeks or so.