The 10 Wittiest Characters on TV — Vampire Diaries, PLL, Gossip Girl and More!

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Let’s face it. Even peeps on TV shows have to tell it like it is sometimes! Gossip Girl and Revenge wouldn’t be nearly as fun to watch without Chuck Bass saying “I’m Chuck Bass” every five minutes or Nolan Ross saying “Bad girl” when he sees a burning house. But they aren’t the only characters who’ve perfected snark. Here are more of our faves who are full of witty one-liners…

Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl
GG would never be the same without Chuck Bass! Sure, his witty comments have mellowed out with his party boy ways, but we can still appreciate those less and less frequent zingers. The ultimate was when Chuck and Blair were happily dating without Louis in the picture. We miss those days!
Our fave quote: “He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies.”

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Nolan Ross on Revenge
An ally in your secret plans is even better when he peppers your catch-up seshes with funny and kinda cruel asides. His surprising calm, cool and thrilled reaction to Emily’s act of arson is the best of the best, but we’re looking forward to many more!
Our fave quote: “Blackmail — it isn’t just for breakfast anymore.”


Mona Vanderwaal on Pretty Little Liars
She’s had a bit of an on-again, off-again relationship with Hanna and is always trying to edge into the group, which means Mona throws in witty/mean phrases like it’s her job.
Our fave quote: “Jenna stole Noel out from under me and she did that when she was blind. What is she going to be like when she sees?”

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Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries
Sometimes Damon’s comments can come out a little more bitter than witty. But then again, if you’d been alive for 100+ years, wouldn’t you be a little snarky too?
Our fave quote: “I say go with the black. It makes you look all villainy.”

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Max Black on 2 Broke Girls
This waitress’ comments definitely aren’t PG, or sometimes not even PG-13 for that matter! But we love gasping and knee-slapping over how provoc they are for primetime television.
Our fave quote: “I think everyone knows that if it’s after 2:30, the call is for the dirty.”


Tessa Altman on Suburgatory
Not everyone in Suburbia gets Tessa’s humor each and every time, (ahem, Dalia), but who can blame a girl for trying to insert a little wit into such a blond, er bland, community?
Our fave quote: “Don’t you think it’s time you hung up those mom jeans and went back to being a dad?”


Schmidt on New Girl
He’s our favorite roommate, besides Jess, and honestly, it was crazy tough picking just one great quote of his. If we ever make a list of the best TV characters for risque comments, he’ll be at the top on that one.
Our fave quote: “Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.”
Schmidt on New Girl, Shirtless


Kelly Kapoor on The Office
We love this character almost as much as the comedian behind it. (BTW have you read Mindy Kaling’s book? Adorbs/hilar!) She always surprises us by whipping out something strangely intuitive and most likely relevant to a bad reality TV show we love to watch.
Our fave quote: “So that is why I have to leave at 5:00 on Tuesday, it’s to pick up my little sisters from school. We’re really tight. We’re like the Kardashians.”


Manny on Modern Family
We’re pretty sure Manny’s the smartest person on the whole show and he’s always surprising us with his maturity. He out-adults the adults.
Our fave quote: “You’ll never go broke playing into a rich guy’s ego. Write that one down.”


April Ludgate on Parks and Recreation
April totes goes against the super-eager intern stereotype and even though she’s graduated to an assistant now, she’s still going strong with sarcasm and general distaste with anything authority.
Our fave quote: “Oh, I don’t know, Jerry. It’s Sunday night, I’m making phone calls to strangers, and you’re in my house. My life couldn’t be worse.”


Did we miss any of your fave witty TV characters? Which of these is the absolute funniest? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Different TV Roles Played by The Same Actors!